Attention! The following blog post is about my depression and how I experience it. Since I was young I have suffered from periods of depression. At the moment I am experiencing this again. I am getting the professional help I need and I am surounded by my supportive family and friends. Which I am very grateful for.
After a wonderful time in Spain, we left to go to The Netherlands. My niece has been born, and I am looking forward to meet her. It is also good to see our friends and family again.
Returning to the Netherlands
Yet, I struggle to go back. The Netherlands is a country which I started to associate with busyness and stress. When I’m back in the Netherlands, our agenda is completely full. Visiting friends and family, arranging things like doctor and dentist appointments, maintenance of the van, etc. Because we want to hit the road again as soon as possible, we try to cram all those activities into a few weeks. As a result, we forget our own needs.
In addition, I think The Netherlands is going “too fast”. I can’t explain exactly, but time just feels different there. Maybe it has to do with the expectations I feel so bad in Holland. Expectations to perform, to make a career, to buy a house, … Expectations that I just don’t seem to fit into.
I also have enormous difficulty with the climate. In Spain there is a wonderful temperature in the winter. Because of the often shining sun, I am automatically outside most of the day. Being outside in nature is good for my mental health. I also get enough vitamin D from the sun. When I’m in Holland I always have a vitamin D shortage. Because of the depressive weather in The Netherlands in winter I hardly go outside. The desire to do activities in the fresh air is almost non-existent. While I know this would be much better for me, I can’t seem to break that cycle.
Approach
Soon we will be in the Netherlands again. This time I am preparing myself. I have made a list of all the activities I like doing. Whenever I notice that I am feeling gloomy, or am in a cycle, I choose one of those activities to do. My list looks like this:
- Playing with Willem/exploring around outside
- Walking a dog
- Writing a blog post
- Rummaging around in the bus
- Making upgrades to the van
- Go for a walk
- Playing Sims
Last words
Hopefully these preparations will help me. Even though I am going back into a rhythm that doesn’t suit me, I will try to take better care of myself.